Aylesbury Vets played their first fixture of the Reading Veterans Super Pro League on Wednesday night coming away with a 6-3 victory against the Henley & Maidenhead Dynamos. Preparations were hampered when to everyone’s surprise Mark Bowes and Simon “Name a time I’ve pulled out of something last minute” Pridgeon pulled out of the fixture at the last minute. Bowes cited a sore tooth but rumour has it he realised the Liverpool-Sevilla game was on the telly and it dawned on Pridgeon that he had an MBA assignment to complete that he had not remembered 48 hours earlier. After getting over the shock that Pridge is studying for an MBA let it be a lesson for all of you in education not to leave your homework to the last minute. When asked for evidence of his evenings endeavours however none was provided leaving the team to assume he was in fact with Bowesy in the pub watching the footie.

Nonetheless, as game time approached Captain fantastic Matt Kiely gave a typically rousing team talk, commanding his band of men to “forget those lazy a£$eholes, we don’t need them, let’s go out and not get beaten too badly”. Without a warm up due to a lack of balls the bare XI of Aylesbury were always at risk of torn muscles and fatigue but the saving grace was that as Aylesbury entered the field of play the clouds and rain parted and the pitch was bathed in evening sunshine warming up the legs already coated in Ralgex.

Despite the lacklustre warm up it was the team in red that started the brighter genuinely looking younger and fitter than their counterparts. Within 5 minutes, Ed Hill cantered down the left wing as only Ed can showing dazzling skill, beating his man not once, not twice but three times (as only Ed can) centring the ball with a reverse stick cross for Dave How, in a text book static, planted position on the back post to deflect the ball home for a 1-0 lead. In no time at all Aylesbury made it 2-0. Bob Gregory, 75, brought into the side to bring the average age up to the required minimum, cut in from the right hand side exchanging a neat one-two with Steve Ampleford before crashing a shot through the keepers legs from the top of the D. Ampleford then had a chance to turn goal-scorer however his first effort demonstrated the fact that he had not set foot in a pitch in some years, stopping the ball before falling over his own feet and crumpling to the ground as he attempted an audacious low reverse stick shot never before seen in Veterans hockey. The expectation is that such a style of shot will never again be executed in such a way. But at the second time of asking it was vintage Ampleford circa 2001. Receiving the ball at the top of the D, Steve drew the keeper before lifting the ball over him with a beautiful lob. 3-0 and cruising.

Then the Captain decided to make some changes. As all good Captains do when they’re winning 3-0 he swapped centre forward How with Left Back Jaypee Wentzel and moved Ed Hill from an attacking left midfield spot to right back. Unsurprisingly Aylesbury lost the momentum somewhat as well as becoming slightly more susceptible in defence. The final 15 minutes belonged to Henley & Maidenhead and a 3-0 lead was quickly pulled back to 3-3. The first was a well worked field goal slotted through the legs of keeper Skinner. The second and third came from penalty corners, the first of which was struck hard through the legs of Skinner, however he got down well to the next one unluckily deflecting the ball downward onto the backboard wishing he just kept his legs open like normal and letting it sail above.

Once the oxygen bottles had been opened at half time and the oranges eaten the team procrastinated about what had gone wrong. Kiely tried to deflect the blame onto Bowes and Pridgeon, then onto team shape and too much dribbling before finally admitting ‘HE’ had got it wrong. He should have substituted Skinner for a kit bag with a helmet once we were 3-0 up. So, to the second half and a team decision to go back to the starting line-up.

The one small concession made to the line-up was to moved Aylesbury’s two named U35s into Central midfield. The idea was to inject pace and fitness into the middle of the pitch. The downside to the theory was that one of the duo was Gregory Junior, fortunately the other was Banbury’s Tyson Fury. It was this combination that led to Aylesbury’s fourth of the night. Tyson, intercepting a pass from defence counter attacked through the middle spotting Paul Gregory miles out of position high up the pitch still trying to get back (just not very hard). A defence splitting pass later forced Gregory into a run. Clearly looking to try to square the ball to How once more planted on the back post, Gregory couldn’t quite get his feet round, instead wafting at the ball and watching it loop up past the goalkeeper and fortuitously into the net.

It was 4-3, but in a sign off things to come for young Paul his Dad’s hamstring went pop, forcing him to stand up front, slowly wandering about trying to remain part of the game. The likeness to his son never more apparent. Down to an effective ten men with a narrow 4-3 lead it was time for the full backs to start to push on. Ali Blest in the right wing back spot rolled back the years with one incredible 70 yard run, storming into the D before running out of puff and collapsing before he could get a shot away. Unlike Paul though he managed to get back in to position but did look f%^ked for the rest of the game.

With the fullbacks pushing up and Paul Gregory neglecting defensive midfield duties it did leave Ben Husbands and Kiely a little exposed at the back. Fortunately, upset by the Captains jibe at half time Skinner woke up and pulled off a fantastic save out to his left and then another couple of stops from short corners to preserve the lead. The game was put to bed soon after when a counter attack led to a 3 v 2. Tyson broke through the middle with options left and right. He chose right sliding the ball into the path of the How who dived full length deflecting the ball at pace into the roof of the net for his brace and a 5-3 lead. With 5 minutes remaining the man who started the goal fest with his silky skills and reverse stick passing finished the game in superb style, showing Ampleford how a reverse stick strike should be executed. Hill, again pirouetting as Ed does with his head down shifted the ball out of his feet and let rip. The defender backed off and then Ed struck a powerful reverse that the keeper could not stop cracking against the backboard. Despite the goal, Ed appeared downbeat with a long face, sorry that such a goal was not witnessed by the two veterans he’d looked up to his whole life, or in the case of Mark Bowes down to.

After the dust settled all that was left to do was drink a beer and chow down on a deserved burger. As the post-match analysis started, the Gregory’s could only be drawn on the lack of quality beef between their bread rolls and the fear of how Brexit might lead to a loss of farming subsidies that would make the match fee hard to pay. The analysis finished with the team confirming that Bowes and Pridgeon would probably be ostracised from the squad and that Kiely would not be allowed to make tactical switches ever again.